What does it feel like to find your "well?" Your well-ness?
I was reading through old journal entries and came across one that I had written September 2013, prior to my leaving Guatemala. I never shared it, but it seems as though I have been dreaming of Guatemala much more often. I have also been thinking a lot about what it means to be well-in body, mind, heart and soul.
Entry 9/2013: I have always had a fascination with words. What they mean, how they are pronounced, how they can be mispronounced and eventually misused. My interest was piqued the other night whilst hanging out at the local watering hole. A table of delightfully vibrant women were discussing the attributes of a particular gentleman when one of them asked if he could be considered “cute.” This sparked the conversation of an old Webster’s Dictionary definition of cute, which was “one who is short, chubby and bow-legged.” Much to my dismay, I recoiled at the thought that this very word has been used to describe me in various stages of my life. Um, thanks? So can I consider that word mispronounced or misused? I pondered it for awhile and then took a mental note to find the most current definition. Thankfully, in 2013, we have a much better usage of the word-“attractive in a pretty or endearing way” or simply “sexually attractive.” Thanks Webster’s.
So as the night progressed into the wee hours of the morning, I found myself becoming an observer, but with a keen eye for the details of my surroundings. There were words everywhere. People speaking, slurring, singing, laughing in both English and Spanish, and there were words written all over the walls. It struck me that those words themselves hold such a power that even without being spoken, their message is clearly relayed. The phrase that I honed in on simply said: “Find your well.” It was written in bold black marker.
Brilliant.
I couldn’t stop reading it. Even as the haziness of the red wine I had been drinking threatened to eradicate any sense of clarity from my mind, that one sentence made more sense to me than anything I had read or said in quite awhile.
Find your well.
What could the writer have meant by these words?
Is this a reference to the wellness that many of us seek to achieve in body, mind and soul?
Or is this the mythical wishing well that eagerly seeks a donation to turn your deepest yearnings into a reality?
I don’t know.
I don’t need to know.
All I know is that what it meant to me was to find my own depth.
My “well.”
And then it struck me that as I prepare to leave Guatemala after five years, that is exactly what I have found here. Here, in the bosom of eternal spring and ripe fruits, I have found my well.
Although I will be leaving physically, packing my few belongings and hauling my beloved Golden Retriever on the airplane with me, my well is here.
Perhaps I will not need to live here permanently to continue to tap that well. Because any well-designed irrigation system or source for water does not need to be constantly looked after, it becomes a natural part of its environment.
It gives what it can and when it is dried up, it remains a monument, a testament to its existence and contribution to the world."
I never completed the entry. As I look back on it now, I add that the "well" I refer to, this depth, is also one that can take us down. It can pull us into its depths so that we either jettison ourselves out, or remain grappling in the darkness.
When we open to our Divine connection, a connection that is never far from us, then we can pull from a limitless Source of wisdom and guidance.
I have been called to the edges of well multiple times in my life. I have lowered the bucket to pull from the sacred waters. I have yelled and screamed to release that which suffocated my sacred power. I have wept. And, I have laughed.
What I have learned throughout all of these experiences is to look up.
If I keep looking down, I am bound to miss something or someone.
By looking up, we might catch a glimpse of a crack of light, or we might find the way out of the depths that we have chosen in order to find our true "wellness."
Finding the new perspectives, finding the openings or cracks where the light gets in-that is finding the well.
Love,
Maura
Photo by whereslugo on Unsplash